I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
