you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
