I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
