It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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