A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
