bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
