i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Two words: nipple clamps
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