Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
