Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
