cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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