You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
