We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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