I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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