You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
