Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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