So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
