Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
