I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
