remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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