her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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