The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
