everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
