If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
