Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
