All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
