i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
