Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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