I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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