i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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