I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
