Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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