No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
