SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
