There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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