It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
