Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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