Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
