god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
