so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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