sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
