WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
