i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
