I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
