Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
