Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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