Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
