if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will be naked everywhere
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
