What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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