Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
