She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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